We Are Not OK!
“This Black History Month We Are Hurting We Are Not OK and That’s Ok!” Kamili
Family,
2023 has gotten off to a helluva start another family experiencing hurt, pain, and sorrow specifically another black family. Another black mother joining a club that no one wants to be a part of, but every black family knows could be a possibility. The brutal murder of Tyre Nichols was senseless, cold hearted and too much for me to bear to watch. To hear that it was worse than Rodney King, he called for his mother retriggered my own personal trauma.
Old Wounds Revisited
I was 15 years old catching the city bus home from school in California when my city went into chaos. I remember vividly the weeks and months prior news coverage, the talk in the community of the officers probably being acquitted everyone watching holding their breaths. Would history repeat itself? Would there be riots? What would the outcome be. It was painful, it hurt and without word’s society said we didn’t matter. So, for me this time I refused to watch I did not and could not watch it. I choose to guard my heart, my hope of what’s left in humanity. For those of you reading this and watched no judgement each of us has a choice to do what is best for us to stay sane.
Where Do We Go From Here Chaos or Community? MLK JR.
As a therapist I want us to be careful with where we go from here, how we care for ourselves, our families, our communities in the aftermath of secondary trauma. It is most important that we acknowledge what we are feeling. We are unable to change anything we are not willing to acknowledge. Do not discuss your feelings with people who are not emotionally safe for you. This may mean not discussing on social media forms. The chance of a healthy authentic conversation is decreased greatly. Do not suffer in silence. Give yourself permission to reach out for help with your hurt, anger, frustration, questions, despair, anxiety, depression, grief including your rage. Acknowledge all of it care for all of you mind, body and soul. You matter, our family’s matter, our communities’ matter! We are hurting and its ok to not be ok.
A few things families can do to help process this moment
Check in with the individuals you live with especially teens and young adults.
Check in with your behavior. Many times, we believe we are not affected by certain things or feel we are over something, or not affected however behavior is a tell tale sign. Are you tired, are you being short and impatient with your family or loved ones, are you isolating, not able to concentrate those behaviors could be warning signs you are not dealing with something.
Time out! yes you heard me right the family will forgo any TV or social media for 24 hours instead take a walk together, eat breakfast for dinner, color, an activity that will bring your family together with ease.
Get still, journal, pray .
Lastly, we must remember all that we have overcome we must Rise to let our light shine another day. We must never ever give up! We must never ever give up! We do matter family we do. This black history month take care of yourselves more than ever.
With much Love,
Kamili
